Wow! This was stunning! Your pacing and imagery made for a really engrossing read. I wish for more only because I so enjoyed it, but it told a whole long involved tale with perfect economy. I loved that flashback weaving with present action, but I found myself stopping and checking back with previous sections to make sure I understood the timeline. You might want to take extra care with the very first sentence of each flashback to make it very clear that it's earlier in the day, all in the correct tense, etc. That was the only small distraction from this otherwise enthralling read!
"Harry joined in, alternating between stripping himself and Malfoy in the least efficient way possible."
I loved this...it's just one example of the many instances where you tell a deeper story with just a few words. I am sorely tempted to borrow that "least efficient way possible" bit...it is comic, frantic and passionate all at once. Brilliant!
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branchandroot
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Date: 2012-09-12 06:58 pm (UTC)"Harry joined in, alternating between stripping himself and Malfoy in the least efficient way possible."
I loved this...it's just one example of the many instances where you tell a deeper story with just a few words. I am sorely tempted to borrow that "least efficient way possible" bit...it is comic, frantic and passionate all at once. Brilliant!