Merlin Big Bang Rec

Living in Hearts Left Behind by giselleslash [Nc-17] (36k) Arthur/Merlin
Summary: Arthur has been living abroad for several years, wanting to get as far away from his family and the expectations placed on him as possible, but the unexpected death of his brother brings him back home where he must confront the things that drove him away. He has to deal with the guilt of not being in his brother's life for the last few years, and how much he missed because of that, as well as coming to terms with the fact that maybe his father isn't the unreachable man he thought he was. Making everything more complicated is his brother's boyfriend, Merlin, who might just be his salvation if their guilt and sadness doesn't drown them before they even get started.

While this author usually rocks my world with her sexy fluff, this one is a great big ball of angst. It is an exploration of grief, of that guilt and awkwardness that comes from dealing with a death that is massive and complicated and there are no rules on how you are supposed to act (am I allowed to smile, right now? am I allowed to remember his faults?) - it was well done and something I could deeply relate to. The journey from grief to healing, acquaintance to friendship to love was beautifully done. The author also gives us a very different Arthur. He is broken and confused, the 'disappointing' second son who wants to break free from his father's expectations. The dynamic of this Arthur meeting and equally emotionally messed up Merlin and somehow finding peace in each other really worked for me.

With a gorgeous series of art by waltzing_mice [Warnings for spoilers for the fic, also NWS]